There is a question I will ask of people. When was the last time you worried so much, so much the worry settled the situation? If you answered never, at least you’re honest. Worry has never solved anything, but has added a great deal, none of which positive. Rather than going into the entire chapter, I have outlined 10 great ways to help you manage the worry you experience.  Some you may already be familiar with, others may be fresh, either way they’ll work.

1. Be careful what you reach for- For many of us when under stress and anxiety, we’ll reach for whatever provides relief, this often comes in the form of alcohol or narcotic. The belief that alcohol consumption provides relief, or helps you think clearer is just not true. Remember, alcohol is a depressant. When you say to yourself I am going to have one, you may in fact just be planning that, just one, but when is it just one? If in fact an alcoholic drink does help you think better or provide you with some relief, I would guess the window is small. You’ll find yourself drinking alone which is not good in terms of portion control, or you find yourself sitting in familiar company where it’s encouraged to have more than a couple, we have our reasons. Consuming alcohol impairs judgment, lends a hand in making poor decisions, and will have you doing things normally out of character for you, taking dangerous risks for example. You may get your mind off the current situation that’s troubling you, but something else in terms of doom will take it’s place. Serenity cannot be found in a troubled mind. To make sound decisions when stressed, you need to leave the gang on the shelf.

2. Reframe your thoughts- Focusing attention on situations that produce worry and stress will deliver more of the same. Reframing thoughts is a cognitive approach by taking a situation, changing how you interpret that situation, putting a more favorable view on it. An example of this would be say a friend or co-worker is short or abrupt with you during a conversation. Often times we’ll take it personal. Say to ourselves, what an asshole, what did I do to piss him off? A reframed thought response would be; he’s got other things on his mind, best leave him alone for now. By reframing the response, you remove the negative way you presented it to yourself as well as how you internalized it. When we are stressed or worried, we tend to take things personal or think the worst. This technique can take some time before it’s a conditioned response, because we’re used to doing the opposite, we need to replace the response. You can reframe any situation you’re confronted with. Practice this until it becomes natural, I am telling you this works.

3. Physical Exercise- Just as we consider thought reframing a mental exercise, physical exercise is a terrific method for stress reduction. Our bodies need in physical activity, but have the opposite desire for worry and stress, but many give our bodies exactly what it wishes to only dispel. Activities such as jogging, weight training and aerobics are what we need to flush the body so to speak from the stress and worry. What the negative patterns do to us are reversed through vigorous exercise, 30 minutes everyday is recommended for a minimal workout. Not interested in working out? There is a wonderful far east practice called Tai Chi. Identified by their slow and deliberate movements, Tai Chi has been practiced routinely for centuries. Yoga has become another practice that seems to be very effective in stress reduction. I have to use the word seems because I am not very familiar with it’s benefits, but certainly worth checking into. Exercise is an adult word, children call it playing. Although more children today substitute playing in the running and jumping form for a joystick or keyboard. As we age our metabolism slows. Eating habits are on the run variety, and working more means less time to give the body what it craves. We internally stockpile the effects of worry and stress without giving much thought as to how and why we need release it, maybe the thought is there, but the action is missing. We are a society of procrastinators who will wait for the fuel light to appear before stopping for gas, writhe in pain for days before making the Dental apppointment, or in my case wait until christmas eve to purchase gifts…and never figure out why the best items are gone, or rain checked. It is that crossing the bridge when we get there mentally when it comes to stress reduction, get into the habit now or there may not be a bridge to worry about crossing when you decide to. Once you get into the habit, the feeling of movement, once you experience added strength and stamina, the reduction of worry, this action of exercise quickly becomes a part of  your daily routine.

4. Put into your mouth only what you can chew- There seems to be plenty to worry about. People are worried about the economy, their jobs and incomes, how well they’re received by others, appearance, the banking system you name it, someone’s worried about it. So with all we have to be concerned with, makes a lot of sense to limit what you take on, right? We can become overwhelmed before we know it with obligations, commitments, committees that will take up more time, but can often raise stress and cause worry. Many have enough of that going on just with situations out of our control, so be careful what you invite in, because you’re adding more of what you want to rid yourself of.

5. Reframe your focus- If anyone were to ask me; Paul, of the 10 points you’ve written about here in this chapter, if you had to select only one in terms of importance, which would you select? I believe all the points are key components to managing stress and worry, but if forced to choose one, it would be reframe your focus. I believe we’re all connected, every single one of us, all the same nationality. Connected by a God that did so in his image, his likeness, at some level we’re all related, this is just truth. Then we come along with our thoughts and our ideas, and take on a belief system promoting separation and difference, and we tell each other why were different and how were different we call it our belief system or our culture, our way of life. Some construct buildings, and inside these buildings encourage like minded thinkers to congregate on Sundays. Inside these buildings other things are constructed as well, like the belief of who God is, what he wants from us and for us, who God will love and who God will not love. All are welcome here in this house of God they will say, being welcomed means we will like you just the way you are as long as you’re just like us. Once determined that another does not agree with everything said, or choosing the free will promised by God himself over the demand for conformity, you’re deemed an outsider or “one of them” as I have heard it said. So it then becomes a determination of who is loved and who is not loved by God. If you are going to be a bible literalist, then you’re taking it word for word. There’s no rifling through the bin taking what sounds or feels goos and discarding the rest, there’s no write in vote here. When Jesus was asked of the highest ranking commandment, there were a number of responses he could have offered, he did not. Christ answered the question with this response; Love God with all your heart, and love as I have loved you. Division is something to be avoided at all costs. I believe when God speaks of division, he speaks in terms of disliking division among his people, well who are the people he’s referring to? Who are God’s people? Do they live in Russia? Are they living on the upper east side? Are God’s people hockey fans? Of course not, were all God’s people regardless of what culture or beliefs may tell you. I don’t believe we show God we love him by how much scripture we can recite, how often we sit in church or the number of Christian bumper stickers on the car. We show God, we honor God, we follow God by how we love and care for each other, and there’s no better way of ridding your mind of what worries you like taking up the worries of another. In all my lectures, presentations or talks whatever you wish to call them, I speak of the ego, and the importance of harnessing this false idea of self. Three questions I receive with the greatest frequency are How do I get what I want, how do I get blessed. Help others get what they want, you’ll get what you want. Put others first, you’ll get what you desire next. Dr.Thomas Graves, a Physician from the Detroit area gets this. Long before he was Dr.Graves, he was just Tommy to me. Friends sice high school, we shared a passion for football, weekends and Rod Stewart. A highly successful Physician, a beautiful family residing in the best neighborhood in the area, lots of wonderful friendships and few worries. I was talking with him recently following a trip he went on, probably one of the many vacations I assumed he and his family go on. this trip was not shared with his nuclear family, and the destination was not one most of us would choose when planning a getaway. Tommy’s travel companions were medical students from Wayne State University, there well earned vacation destination Port Au Prince, Haiti. Tommy and his medical students chose a humanitarian expedition to a country torn apart by an earthquake back in January. During our conversation he told me, Paulie, this is the poorest country, the average hatian earns about 10.00 US a year. The area is an abomination because there is no money to rebuild what was lost, it was a horrible sight to see. People living in the worst of conditions, far worse than before if you could imagine. I got more from this trip than if I went to Hawaii. I feel so blessed and fortunate. When we were talking about my book, this is what Tommy added- This is a great message Paulie, one I share daily with my patients, I call it the Ebeneezer Scrooge phenomenon. When it’s all about me I am depressed and wary. When it’s all about others, in Scrooges words, I am so happy I don’t know what to do. Dr.Thomas Graves inspires me. Not only does he understand this principal of reframing your focus, he practices it as well. Tommy knows that placing you’re focus and energy into the worries of others is one of the best ways to evaporate what has you worried. What could a highly successful Physician have to worry about? Means and resources do not absolve you from worry and stress. Living from this perspective gives you a better way to manage worry regardless of your financial condition, this comes simply deciding to do so.

6. Talk to a trusted friend- I think when we are troubled over something or someone, the tendency is to carry it alone, deal with it alone. We do the best we can with what we have available to us. If our mind is troubled and worried, the decisions we make reflect that state of mind. I believe talking with a trusted friend, associate confidante is a positive step in gaining perspectiveby listening how another sees it, as well as finding a resolution. I would caution however in who exactly you seek out discussing the situation with, some will cause you more upset, more confusion than prior speaking with them. If for example your relationship is giving you some cause to worry you believe, be careful who you share this with. There is the personality that after hearing what you have to say about your concerns will be the first to tell you “If you’d have listened to me in the first place, we wouldn’t be having this conversation now would we.” This type of response baffles me. Whatever the situation is, something has happened that requires attention, how or why it happened is inconsequential at this point, what’s needed is to fix it. So seek out a trusted ear, but also be careful in who you confide so to avoid collide.

7. Do what you plan to do- To often plans and activities get placed on hold or cancelled all together because of the situation that is causing our worries or stress. Allowing situations to control us rather than us controlling the situation is yet another way we keep the worry and stress in the forefront of our lives. I’ve had people tell me of weekends cancelled because they felt they wouldn’t be very good company, or just felt to guilty given the situation. We need a break from our jobs, children, routines whatever the case may be, so why not give yourself a break from something that will eventually break you? I say maintain and hold to the plans you’ve made, even if it’s just lunch with friends. I am a firm believer in conversation, laughter and joking around as a good way to release worry and stress that’s running your day. You’ll find the diversion to be well needed and therapeutic.

8. Keep you’re worries to yourself- Now I am not going to suggest you worry in silence! What I am strongly suggesting is to restrict the worry to what you can control, what you have to correct by yourself. What I hear from others and worry are things completely out of their hands, which is probably why the worry becomes intensified. Worries about the economic climate, what their significant other may be doing, children and drug use to who’ll buy the house next door, these are out of your control. The idea here is to take old habits and substitute them for new more effective means, through repetition, you’ll break the old. One thing here, don’t go creating situations to worry about that are a possibility. You may be so far off base about what you perceive to be true, only to discover you were wrong. I am trying to take all the fun out of worry folks. It must be fun, why else would we do it so much?!

9. Horizontal Helps- Worry and stress reek havoc on the system, including the desire to have sex. I say find the mood, and have sex. Intercourse is one of the best total body relaxers as well as increasing endorphins, those mood boosting chemicals in the brain. I know for me, if sex is going to occur soon, if the basement was ablaze it’s just going to have to wait! Sex before going to sleep is a wonderful way to really get some good rest, and when well rested, our problem solving capabilities are increased.

10. Prayer or Meditation-Prayer or meditation, meditation or prayer. Call it what you want folks, the meanings and desired outcomes are the same. We get so up in arms over this and I cannot for the life of me understand why, don’t you have enough to worry about? You may at times feel alone, but never you are, and those with a strong faith understand this and pray often. You don’t need send dollars to the fellas and gals on the television who in exchange for cash will offer a prayer for you, and probably throw in a coffee mug and fridge magnet as well. Prayer works! I don’t personally believe there’s only one way to pray that God will recognize, I think God hears us just as clear weather we’re on our knees, or just saying a prayer walking through the store. You have probably been told you can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, well you can walk and pray at the same time, I know I have done it and still do. Make time for prayer, God likes hearing from you. We often make the mistake of praying when we’re down and in a state of need, desperate for the intervention of the hand that can do all, and if willing, can you answer that prayer overnight, please? Go to him in the best times also, a prayer of thank you is welcomed I am sure. So pray often, pray from the heart.

Related posts:

1. Worry or not, here it comes.

1. If Christ were to come back here for a week, what would he tell his Father when he returned home?

2. The divorce rate in this Country has exceeded 50%. Rather than saying “I do” maybe people should say “I do” at least for the foreseeable future, then they wouldn’t be lying to the Priest. If lying is a sin, you don’t need another problem.

3. Can someone explain to me how Fred Phelps and the good folks of the Westboro Baptist Church believe their doing God’s work by protesting at funerals? Why not take you’re puppet show into an area of the world where freedom of speech is not on the menu and see what happens?

4. If we all have 15 minutes of fame, has the fame check watch on Justin Bieber stopped on 12?

5. If discussing the goings on of celebrities is something you do, I would say you have too much time on your hands.

6. I see nothing wrong with same sex marriage. I’ve been married before, and I’m still the same sex.

7. Was watching my favorite comedy on television last night…the televangelists. One was saying if you want God to know your serious about making your finances better, then send more money into this ministry, let God know! Thanks anyway, but I’ll deliver that message myself, and the money will go to putting food on the table. Something tells me that’s what God wants me to do.

8. Heard a clip of Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell 2 days after 9/11. They said the reason for the darkest day we ever witnessed was because of the gay community. Well next time I drop a cell call I’ll know who to blame…

9. People often invite me to their Church. They say were different, we love everybody for who they are. Reminds me of someone telling me their from the Government, and they’re here to help.

10. Reality shows- Proof God has a sense of humor.

11. That Burger King mascot is pretty creepy.

12. People cannot give you what you want, they can only give what they have.

13. I will say that’s an oxymoron just because I like to say the word.

14. Superbowl 2012- New England vs. Green Bay.

15. Is perception reality? The perception of us homeless people is we sleep in alleys on cardboard surrounded by empty liquor bottles. The reality is we sleep where we are not seen, not on cardboard or with empty liquor bottles. The perception of us homeless people is we are lazy, and homeless because we can’t hold a job. The reality is when places hire for day labor, us homeless people are first in line for the jobs. The perception of the homeless is we annoy people for their money, the reality is we are asking if you can spare something so we can get something. The perception of us homeless is we commit petty crimes so we can go to jail for a place to sleep, and some food 3 times a day. The reality is we value our freedom just as much as the normal people do, we’re not criminals, just displaced. Is perception reality?..I don’t think so.

16. I’m tired of hearing about the government creating jobs, business owners create the jobs.

17. Is there a pill for that?

18. A restaurant has a slogan “save the planet.” We can’t take care of each other, but we’re gonna save the planet?

19. Someone asked me during a radio interview “what is the greatest threat to humanity”? Humanity itself. There is far too much hatred in this world, hatred is going to end it all.

20. A note to helicopter parents..Let your kids be kids.

God will bring you to the vision, the rest is up to you…Paul

Related posts:

1. Perceptions and realities of the homeless.
2. It makes no difference.

I was asked to visit an individual who was hospitalized for a chemical dependency. Her parents were familiar with my work as well as my previous struggles, and believed I could be of some help, I was more than happy to visit. Once in the facility, I was directed to the day room, a common area for patients. While I was waiting for my visit, a group of 10 or so were huddled around a television jumping up and down, shouting at the television, and high fiving each other. Considering this was a Wednesday morning, it was highly unlikely a sporting event was on, so I was curious to the point of wandering on over to see what program was causing such emotion.

Hi everybody! What’s on the television? Half turned to me, the other half kept their eyes on the television, but in unison quietly yelled Springer! Familiar with the name but unfamiliar with the program, I was told to sit down, and “check him out.”

The show started out as most talk shows do, with the host welcoming his audience and an announcement of the show’s topic. This particular segment dealt with marital infidelity and how the behavior gnaws away at the foundation of a marriage. The host invited his guests to come on stage, having them seated in a semi-circle. Before they had a chance to be seated, and without provocation, two women began attacking each other. One began ripping the other’s clothing and throwing punches that were not even in the same area code. The other was taunting and screaming obscenities as she deflected the flailing fists. The stagehands, after deciding that was about enough entertainment, stepped in to separate the two female gladiators. At the same time the combatants were ushered back to their seats, the studio audience began yelling and offering each other high fives.

After some encouragement by the host to settle down, the women were introduced to the fired up crowd, and the man these two women are competing for is seated between the two. With a prosecuting demeanor, Springer starts interrogating the guests with questions; hard hitting stuff like, “don’t you know you’re married?” “Do you think what you doing here is wrong?” ‘Which of these women do you really want?” As the man of the moment begins to profess his unyielding love in a language only a Springer follower gets, the carnage starts all over, and the combatants are led off to cool down while the next set are escorted to the center stage. Guests are questioned and derided until the final segment of the show. After returning from a commercial break, the guests are brought out and seated next to each other. You would have hoped for the problem solving portion of the program here.

The moderator, however, meanders out into the studio audience and invites them to share their thoughts and feelings with everyone watching about the shows participants. Instead of getting the help they desperately need, once again the insults start flying, the crowd is whipped up into a frenzy, and you guessed it- fists start flying once again. The end of this debauchery comes when we get to Springer’s final thought. Here ol’ Jer tries to offer his perspective on what it was we just witnessed. A message he claims we can all use as a learning tool. After his brief sermon, he closes with the words “Take care of you and yours.”

Never before have I witnessed such degrading programming. People dehumanized at every turn, dehumanization passes today as “entertainment.” We are a society obsessed with low source programming, both on television and in print.  If it lacks a good balance of sex, murder or mayhem, many of us would choose not to watch. The competition for ratings has given birth to programs that have little regard for human decency, and it’s not only the Springer’s, but actual legitimate news people such as Maury Povich.  Mo-Po carved his initials in this programming venue by embarrassing young women searching for the Father of their children. If you actually believe this show was not targeted at a specific group, then think again. The method of proof would be paternity tests- the results to be announced live on television, at 3:00 in the afternoon…hmm

Here is how it works. You had a Mother and a cadre of suspected Fathers all seated on a stage next to each other. You let them go back and forth yelling, screaming and accusing each other about all the reasons they were or were not, the responsible party. You let a little animosity build, and fire up the crowd, much like the Springer circus. Once the crowd was sufficiently riled up and the accusers made their case, an envelope would be held up containing the test results. Before the results were revealed, an obligatory commercial let even more anticipation build. Once back, it was time for the results. The ringleader opened the envelope, teased the double digit IQ crowd about 10 seconds, then announced the Fathers name.

I call the hosts of these programs ringleaders, and the programs they host, freak shows, because that’s what they remind me of, the freak show. Remember the freak show? Human beings with abnormalities, physical or mental defects paraded around a stage for the amusement of others. The bottom line is this live exhibition is purely dehumanizing and carries no place in a spiritual soul. There should never be a correlation between entertainment and human brokenness.

I do not wish, nor is it my intent to insult what you find entertaining. We all need to be entertained, we need to stay informed as to the goings on in our world, in our society. I am only suggesting to keep your choices to those that inspire you, that keep you in a positive frame of mind. When you come across a story on television that represents low source information, I suggest you pass. I would also recommend you save the four or five bucks on the trashy magazines and keep your life as positive as possible.  God will bring you to the vision, the rest is up to you…Paul

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2. The 3rd component of ego.

I wanted to take this time to say thanks to all who follow my blog, and take the time to leave comments, I appreciate you more than I can say. Without you, without the support you show by purchasing my products, leaving your thoughts and sharing with me your own stories, I would not be in the position I am today. It’s because of you my work has meaning. To know I am able to provide something that benefits many others is the greatest gift I can possibly receive, so thank-you for allowing me to continue doing what it is that I am so blessed to be doing.

May this holiday season find you with much to be grateful for, receiving what you desire most and giving freely of your time and talents. Rather than looking for ways to get blessed, you choose to be a blessing. So when the time comes to take down the tree and pack away the ornaments, may you keep the thoughts, the attitudes and behaviors that decorate the lives of other people with you year round. God will bring you to the vision, the rest is up to you…Paul

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1. Perceptions and realities of the homeless.
2. It makes no difference.
3. Tis the season for a reminder.

Back in October I was doing a book signing in Mt.Clemens, Michigan. Early that afternoon I met a woman named Millie. “I’ve heard a lot of good things about you Paul, your influencing the lives of others in a very positive manner.” Millie stated exactly what my life is truly about, and that’s showing others a better way. When properly followed, some amazing things will follow, that I can promise you. Millie purchased two books. One was for herself, the second she said was going into the break room where she worked. I thanked her again for the kind words, then wished her a pleasant weekend, this was Saturday afternoon.

The following day I was back at the signing. Sunday being the final day, I would be there from noon till three. When I arrived at 11:50, Millie was waiting in front of my signing table. Hello Millie, and how are you doing today? Well I am just fine, Paul. I came back to talk about your book. When I got home yesterday I started reading your book after dinner, I didn’t put it down until I finished it. In an assuming tone, I said so you enjoyed it, Millie?  I loved it, Paul. I thought you did a real nice job, congrats on a great book but………Now I don’t know about you, but when someone is talking to me, and the word but is used, I tend to forget everything that was just said prior to the but, because the real point of the communication is now on it’s way. I tell people when your communicating with another person, and your going to make a point, don’t use the word but. But what Millie I asked? You have thoughts and ideas I have heard before, I already know those things, it’s spirituality 101 stuff.

After hearing this I didn’t like Millie anymore (just kidding.) What Millie said was in fact true, there are some things I write about that could, and probably are thought of as basics. But I include them for this reason- We are failing the basics. We are failing spirituality 101, and need be reminded of what they are. You’re not going to pick up a book and discover new thoughts, new ideas or new concepts when it comes to human behavior or achieving what we desire most in our lives. Returning to and living by the basics was, and still is, the infrastructure for reaching the prosperity we all want in life, the prosperity in our relationships, finances and spiritual growth. The same thoughts and principals talked about today originated from profound teachings that go back over 2,000 years, and so do the reasons we fail to practice those principals in our daily lives.

Get yourself reacquainted with the basics. It is from this perspective we begin the natural progression into manifesting life, the part of us that has no understanding of limitations, shortages or ego. There is nothing to learn, this is accomplished through remembering. Life is not so much about learning new things as much as it is remembering what we already know. God will give you the vision, the rest is up to you. Keep the peace and God bless…Paul

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The very first job I had was at Windmill Pointe Park in Grosse Pointe Park, Michigan. My Father was a Grosse Pointe Park Police Detective and was friends with the owner of the concession stand located in the park, so my first summer job, I was fifteen at the time.

My employer was Mr.Levigne. On my first official day of employment, Mr.Levigne walked me around the concession stand and showed me what I was hired to do; cut lettuce, cut onions and cut tomatoes, and that was it. He told me specifically I did not need to take orders from customers, cook food or take out the trash, he already had others in place for those duties. Once again he told me, just do what I have hired you to do and I will take care of everything else, Paul.

After a couple of weeks I grew tired of my role, I wanted to do something else. Even though I knew what was expected of me while on the clock, I was not going to continue with it. I began stepping into the duties of others, ignoring my position. Because I decided to do what I wanted to do, the entire operation suffered because of my knowing what was best. Following a couple of light reprimands from my boss, and one far more stringent from my Father, I happily returned to cutting lettuce, cutting onions and cutting tomatoes. Thirty-four years later I am still cutting lettuce, cutting onions and cutting tomatoes, just on a larger prep table.

We have all been given assignments by the Supreme Intelligence who is responsible for all the good in life, and he made those assignments pretty simple, and very specific. But we grow tired of our assigned role, because we know what’s right, we know what’s best, and we begin stepping into roles that we were never intended to assume, this is one of the way’s in which ego expresses itself. We abandon our prep table, and begin meddling in the lives, beliefs and affairs of other people. By ignoring the role given us, the universe suffers as we are all witnessing. The reprimands we are receiving today come in the forms hatred, oppression, starvation, ignorance and a host of other issues brought on by people stepping outside their assigned roles.

We draw from from our own experiences, and because it works for me, it will work for you as well. If I were to ask you, what brings you the greatest of pride and joy in your life? Many would probably answer their children (come on raise your hands, it’s ok…nobody’s watching!) I think that God feels the same way. We have all been created by God, in his likeness, in his image. We are all part of this grand design, engineered to do great things in this life. So because of this truth, we are all related, we all share the same nationality that being of spirit, but we do not see this. What we do see is how we are different. And in looking at difference, well, the difference we see in the end will make no difference at all.

We need to live from a different consciousness, a consciousness we all lived from before we took on ego. There are things we need in life, things we desire in life. There is no secret, secret behind a secret or a psychology behind the secret. Getting what we need and desire is a little more than learning how to ask for them. I don’t have all the answers, but what life has taught me, what spiritual truth has proven to me, loving and caring for our spiritual equals is a good place to start. Look for ways to extend kindness. Look for the good in others even though that sometimes requires quite a bit of searching, count your blessings while always being one. God will bring you to the vision, the rest is up to you. Keep the peace and God bless…Paul

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1. Worry or not, here it comes.
2. It makes no difference.
3. Can we truly live our envisioned life?

Addictions tell us what to do and when to do it. What they don’t tell us is when to stop. When in the throws of addictions finding the door to liberation feels impossible, you feel useless, there is nothing worse in this life than the feeling of having no purpose. Addictions are goal oriented, non discriminatory in that they want but one thing, and that’s to kill you. They don’t care how young or old you are, where you live, how good of a person you are or what our worth financially, once they bite you it’s on.

23 million Americans are addicted to alcohol- 12.8% to drugs- 12.0% to sex- 8.1% to gambling and 32% are addicted to nicotine. Up to 90% of Americans are addicted to caffeine, 70% of the population considered fat. Well over half that enter a rehabilitation treatment facility for a dependency will relapse, many will go through said program multiple times. It’s a very slow form of suicide for the addicted soul leaving quite a debris field in terms of family, friends and those who tried putting the pin back into the hand grenade.

It was halftime during the game I was watching. My choices were flip through the channels or continue fixing the dryer, flipping through channels was the easy decision. I went to one of my favorite cable channels where the program was just coming back from commercial, and into the Family room where quite a few people were gathered. A young man entered into the room. He was met by Family members, friends, lights and camera’s rolling-certainly appeared to be a “made for TV” ambush. Seated in the center of the room, one by one, people took turns telling this kid what was on their minds, things like- “Do you know what your doing to us?” You’re destroying us, man!” “You are a waste of space!” “Your Mother and I didn’t raise you this way, why can’t you be more like your brother?” Every person took the opportunity to express what they we’re going through as a result of this person’s behavior.

I can’t see how this exercise can be viewed as positive. If the goal is to elevate the consciousness of the addicted soul, using guilt, shame and negative barbs will only reinforce what he already believes about himself, but this is what we refer to as therapy. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe told us “If you treat an individual as he is, he will stay as he is; but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.” William James reminded us “If we hold a picture in our minds long enough, that’s exactly what we will become in reality.” When using negative means to reach someone, as this exercise was doing, we are assisting in developing that picture, almost certainly driving that person deeper into their destructive ways.

When you hear something over and over again, good or bad, you’re going to believe it. So why should we be surprised when this type of therapy derives poor results? Because it’s what we know. Changing who you are starts by changing how you see yourself. This means dismantling all you have heard, all you have been told about who you are and what you are that come in the way of negative connotations. When you can truly once again see yourself authentically, and live from this perspective, you are well on your way to defeating any addictive behavior. You hear it all the time from those who are attempting to quit anything, they tell you how hard it’s going to be, well you need to change how you view quitting, much like changing how you see yourself. If your looking at how hard it’s going to be to quit, then why bother with it? Willpower is a prescription for failure, it just does not work for most people. I write in depth in my book I may be wrong but I doubt it on exactly how easy it is to quit any addictive pattern, you’ll be amazed and just how easy it can be. Remember; New thoughts create new behaviors!

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1. Tis the season for a reminder.
2. No shortcuts in the process.

I was doing an interview with Ray Genovese on WHMP radio Northampton, Massachusetts. My next book titled I may be wrong but I doubt it was the reason Ray had me on. In the book I talk about five critical components to creating an envisioned life. When followed the way I have them written in the book, incredible things happen in people’s lives, I see it everyday. The component that Ray and I were on was our relationship to authenticity, living from our authentic self, the first of the five components.

We had a caller, a very nice Woman who wanted to comment on our discussion. Her point was in order to gain life everlasting, just being a good person would not suffice. The caller emphasized we need to be born again and other rituals we all must complete or we’re destined for the furthest point south. Now I am in favor of anything that brings a person closer to God, it is the most important relationship there is. Religion can bring hope to the hopeless, help a soul find the door to liberation when vices or situations have them by the throat, Religion succeeds where Psychology fails. But how an individual comes to this relationship is private and needs to be respected, you don’t have to like it. You don’t have to agree. But you need to respect it.

Some religions, and I preface some, promote division and separation among people, creating an atmosphere opposite of every teaching that has been made available to us. We will like you just the way you are as long as your just like is the attitude many receive when they attend their place of worship, a place they call a house of God. Not only do they know what’s best for themselves, they know what’s best for you as well, a direct contradiction to the gift of free will.

You will hear of souls who send money into television ministries, or as I call them the electric pulpit. The promise is in exchange for your money, we’re gonna get you what you want. If you really want God to know that you’re serious, send more money, that will get God’s attention. People have been known to send in their life savings, every penny they saved in exchange for a miracle, not that is utterly contemptible. I think we tend to see these organizations much like a travel agent to God, that without them, God is not going to listen to us.

So if we want God to listen, if we want to honor him, we should start by honoring each other. Living from our authentic self is a very good starting point, living life as it was meant to be experienced. Living from this perspective means you see yourself as no better, no worse than anyone else. That in being created equal, we are  all created equal in our desire to be happy, prosperous and respected. Someone said everything I needed to learn about life in learned in Kindergarten, I love this. In other words, what we need to know about living from authentic self does not require learning on our part, it’s simply remembering. God will bring you the vision, the rest is up to you…Paul

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1. 20 things I was just thinking about…

I am what others think of me. OK, I will admit it. When it comes to shows like American Idol, my head has been in the sand. Recently a friend forwarded me a video from the program, I’m assuming this video must be a year or two old because it’s been viewed 60 million times…yes, 60 million times. I watched it once, I watched it twice, I watched it 60 million times. I am one of those People always looking for something positive I can use along the way, we find them at times in the strangest of places, now I can add American Karaoke to that list.

When asked Who would you most like to be, She answered with Elaine Paige, which drew jeers and laughter from those in attendance, and the three “judges” looked at her cross eyed, yes the laughs were a’ plenty. The audience went hysterical went She walked out. They laughed at her attire, her appearance. They laughed loudly at her responses, and just to be sure we didn’t miss anything, the cameras panned the levity. What are you going to sing? I dream the dream from Les Miserable the frumpy Entertainer responded, somehow that was even funny.

But when the music began to play, Frumpy flat out kicked ass. 10,000 simple minded cynics listened with bewildering awe as Susan Boyle delivered delight to the ears of millions of people. But besides her ability to sing, an incredible ability at that, She also paid no attention to the treatment She was receiving prior to everybody digging her. She was not the least bit concerned with what others were saying, thinking or doing, She was not going to let other people determine her value.

To be concerned with what others think about us, or to become so consumed with who likes us or who does not like us is delusional. In fact, those who are popular, those who attract people are those who don’t worry about what others think, they march to their own drummer. People that make a difference in this world, those who lead by example I can promise you are not followers. They know what’s right for who they are, and unafraid to be who they are. There are people who can say one thing in Iowa at 9am, something different in Indiana at noon and then something completely different in California at 6pm, but that’s called campaigning. And in order to get elected, you have to be liked by a lot of people but only until your elected, that’s called politics!

We see this need in Children, the pressure of fitting in with a specific group they want to be identified with. Parents will tell them to just be yourself, just be who you are, and everything will be just fine, well try convincing a teenager of that. Then you see the people who are giving that advice doing the exact same thing, looking for identification and validation from those they seek approval. If you don’t think Adults behave this way, just attend a facebook party.

We all desire to be liked and accepted, I think that’s only natural. But approval seeking shows others a lack of confidence, an air of desperation, and this gives others little choice in how to react to you. Those who worry a lot less about what others think have far more time to focus their attention on the things that matter…God will give you the vision, the rest is up to you. Keep the peace, and God bless…….Paul

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1. This elusive state called happiness.

I began writing this blog last week at the insistence of my Publisher, and very glad that I did. I want to thank you for the many wonderful comments I have been receiving, as well as those who have signed up for my newsletter, we are working on getting that out as soon as possible. If you would like to sign up for the newsletter, you can do so on my page, so please sign up. With some of the comments came questions about who I am, and what I do.

Well, my name is Paul Wedding. If you were to ask those who know me, they would describe as a humble, unassuming non-conformist. In print I am described as quickly and quietly becoming an expert in the area of positive Human development, someone who truly cares about the lives of others. I am the Author of two books to date. The first titled If you only knew what you already know was a best seller, sold out every copy. My second book titled I may be wrong but I doubt it is scheduled for release early in 2011. Not long after my first book came out, I began speaking. I would speak anywhere I could, even if they didn’t want to hear me! Today I am fortunate enough to be invited to speak at Companies, organizations, Schools and Churches. I am often doing talk radio, because I have the face for it.

I am not listing my resume here to impress you, or get you to purchase my products, I’m not real comfortable talking about myself to begin with, just not my style, but there is a reason that I do. Not that long ago I was destitute. I had no money, no car, no job, no prospects or hope. I called home to a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant in Westminster California, I ate there as well. On April 19th 2003 at 12:37 in the afternoon, I had an encounter, an experience, whatever you want to call it. I have come to understand this experience was with a power far greater than myself, a power I call God. This was not a religious conversion, or being born again, just a direct experience that would change the direction, change the purpose of my life.

That change of purpose translated into what I am doing today, something I am passionate about, and that’s maximizing our Human potentials. I show people all across the Country how to attract into your life all that you desire, living a life you have envisioned for yourself. It does not matter what you have done, where you have been or what your not doing today. We all have the ability to do this, everyone of us, I can promise you that. It’s all about adopting certain principals, eliminating old systems and living them consistently. So that’s a little about me. I look forward to sharing thoughts and ideas through this blog that you may find useful, we can all use a little improvement, it’s the biggest room in our house. God will get you to the door, the rest is up to you….Keep the peace and God bless….Paul

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